Friday, September 22, 2017


The music is turned down and the lights are switched back on. "The party won't continue before that girl is out of the house," says one voice far away from inside the big house. 

I could hardly believe my eyes. Here I was with my parents friends daughter, far away from where we lived and where I went to school. I had been so happy to go out to a party but somehow they had also known who I was and hated me even before they had met me. 

I was devastated. As usual however I kept up a strong facade and a smiling face. I could see that my friend was a bit chocked but since I was staying at her place for the night there was nothing she could really do. I told her we needed to leave and we got offered a ride by a wonderful guy with a little monkey moped (those people that you are grateful toward for the rest of your life.)

After incidents like this you become afraid. You think that wherever you go you will always be attacked or thrown out. You think that there is something wrong with you and that you would need to change something so that people would like you. So you start to please people even more only so they can tease you more extensively. You ask one of the people that still dare to say hi to you in school what she thinks is wrong with you and she answers: "I have been thinking that maybe it is your voice. That your voice irritates people."

The worst part of being bullied wasn't those parties or other clear moments that stay in your mind for the rest of your life. It was all the other non-moments. The times when nobody looked at you, the times when nobody said hi to you. The times when you tried to say something funny and nobody listened. The times you tried to scream and still nobody cared. The times when the little happy girl was broken into pieces one small bit at a time. Only to never be repaired back whole again.

Edit: sorry horse friends. This text really doesn't have much to do with horses except that they were always there when people weren't.

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