Out with the old, in with the new

The nature in all its beauty. 

Year 2018 was very intensive and felt very heavy for me at times. Last year we had a problem with our plumbing so we have not been living at home for almost four months now. Living at our Forenom apartment has really made us appreciate home, and what it means to have a safe haven to return to every day and night. Last year was also very heavy for me relationship wise and at the beginning of this year a relationship ended that has been a big part of our lives for many years already. At the same time I am also changing jobs so there has been a lot of clearing out the old and inviting in the new.

"Discover yourself. Otherwise, you will become the opinions of those who don't know themselves."

At times I feel very confused and lonely but at the same time I know that this is the exact path that I am supposed to take. I sometimes feel like I am so overly tired that I don't know how to do it all but then the next day it usually feels easier and I find more clarity and ease in everything again. I also find that I am slowly discovering myself and truly being honest to who I am and to my real reason of living on this earth. I feel like I am finding my Dharma (Dharma, is a Hindu, Buddhist and yogic concept that refers to the idea of a law, or principle, governing the universe. For an individual to live out their dharma is for them to act in accordance with this law. In Buddhism, it is said that acting in this way is the path to enlightenment. The implication of dharma is that there is a right way for each person to carry out their life. Dharma is closely related to the concepts of duty and service to others, or seva. It has no single-word Western translation, which sometimes makes it a difficult concept for Westerners to grasp. One close way of translation however, is "right way of living". - yogapedia.com)

Kuva: Mikko Pennanen 

During the past few years I have been through a lot of emotions and energies and tonight I experienced my first Cacao ceremony with an amazing group of people. I went to see a fortune teller in Sydney in November and she told me that my current job is dead (which it was) and that I need to find my own group of people, my own community (which I feel that I am finding more and more). The more I listen, the more I start to flow with life and the more the things that are meant to find me seem to come to me without effort. It is almost like this wonderful game where you can't wait what surprise awaits around the corner. I have also learned that the surprise can also be something not so pleasant but it usually still stirs you in the right direction. We just need to learn to listen. 

Can't wait to kick it off with this team in March.

Last weekend was so amazing with a wonderful kick-off with my new team that I will enter in March, a fantastic birthday celebration of our dear friend and some fantastic time spent at the stables. When the youngsters were cantering full speed around the field and they called me granny, I felt so truly happy. There is just so much love to give and receive if we are ready to open up to it. That is really what life is all about. I feel so grateful for so much at the moment. Thank you!

Celebrating our Dear Friend Anna.

This painting I took home with me from Anna. Can't wait to hang it up on the wall. 

Jack has been enjoying himself at the countryside with my parents all weekend. 

"This being human is a Guest House. 

Every morning a new arrival. 

A joy, a depression, a meanness, 

Some momentary awareness comes 

As an unexpected visitor. 

Welcome and entertain them all! 

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, 

Who violently sweep your house

Empty of its furniture.

Still treat each guest honourably,

He may be clearing you out for some new delight."

- Rumi 

A good life

I received this video from my friend Johanna today. Tiina, Johanna and Tuula normally have a riding lesson on Monday mornings but this Monday it was simply too cold to have one. With the crisp air and the temperature touching -22 degrees at the countryside, Tiina decided to take Thor out for a run on the snow covered fields.

When I saw this video my heart skipped a beat. I just felt a tremendous wave of happiness running through me when I realised how happy Thor is. I understood that I have finally found a place where he is feeling secure and where he can relax and feel at home. I also felt so content because I knew at that moment that I have given two horses a good life. A life where they know that I am always there for them and where their basic needs are being met. I hope every animal could have a life like that.

It is ok to not be ok

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you." - Rumi

As we are going into a New Year we set intentions and we hope that the New Year  that will arrive will be even better than the last. That we will be healthy and happy and that we will survive most of our days without too much drama.

But this time of the year is also a time that makes so many of us feel more lost than ever. It is a time when we stop and reflect on what has been and what is to become and find it hard to stay in the present moment. 

What I have found during my short lifetime is that life will throw you a lot of stuff. It will give you a divorce and smack you in the face with all the lovely dovely couples and "perfect families" around you. It will give you a job that you don't enjoy and show you all the Instagram posts of people that seem to love what they do everyday. It will give you pregnant bellies all around if you are not pregnant, and it will give you lemons when you were expecting to receive lime. 

The thing is however that we all have something. When people tell you that that couple, or that Mother, or that friend or that neighbour we create stories in our minds that are not real. WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING. 

The somethings can be anything but what I have learnt is that the more you sit with the somethings or anything, the more it will go away or the easier it is to deal with. We are so used to brush uncomfortable feelings off our shoulders that we just bury them down, dig them deeper and show the outer world the untouched surface of a perfect painting. 

What I am maybe trying to say here is that it is ok to not be perfect or unwounded. It is fine to feel sad, anxious and depressed and stay in those feelings. Because as much as there is the somethings, there is also the moments. And no moment is alike. 

So sit with it, Breathe, sit some more, read Maaret Kallio's recent post Meitä suomalaisia moititaan usein hiljaisuudesta, mutta sen sietäminen voi kertoa mielen joustavuudesta, and remember Leonard Cohen's wise words:

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."